Monday, December 31, 2012

Kedah Series - Hang nak pi mana??

haaaaa......tu diaa....
2nd day. November 11th, 2012.

Kami pi Padang Besaq!! Opsss...of course la kami check-out dulu dari homestay yang nan indah dan sponsored tu (Thank you Rozana - Dec 31st: Dia tgh demam. 43c tu....semoga cepat baik).

Lepas pi makan rumah pengantin lelaki & lawat pengantin pompuan yang agak lama la nak siap tuh ^_^ (click here for 1st post), kami pun start lah berjalan2.

Kami ambik jalan dalam dari Pendang ke ...hmm..menuju ke Perlis la..jangan straight ke Bukit Kayu Hitam plak...lain hala tujuan tuh (phewww....nasibla passport tak bawak budak2 neh..)

Bundle lagi..RM1 tau..

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Eat or not to eat..

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Living with Cancer means major overhaul of one's diet and lifestyle.

Within a week, i know the meaning of Bromalin, Sabah Snake Grass (Belalai Gajah), edible Apricot seeds and so on.

These are the things that we do to survive: learn. read. seek for information. pray. stronger faith.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

New found confidence (may i say Eureka?)

Today is the seventh day since i got the news.

Well, within 7 days only, i went through emotional toil and new experiences. Not to mention enlightenment.

During the first few days,i admit that i was not as strong as i thought i was. I did cry. I allowed myself to cry and wallow. Just let it go.

I cried in PPUM. only for awhile. Because the visit to PPUM on Dec 21st made me discover Apricon. Apricot seeds which is claimed to be able to fight cancer cells.
Why not? i haven't really go thru the net thoroughly but kita berikhtiar je. Placebo or not, i personally think we need to work for it. and Tawakkal.
Leena and Vijay also came to accompany me in PPUM. well, we will only know who are our real friends when we are in need. i don't have to elaborate further.

As planned earlier, we went back to Terengganu for Adam's circumcision procedure.It went well thanks to Allah. Cuma still dalam pantang la. Hence, we took the opportunity to see traditional healer in Kg Tok Jembal, Seberang Takir as highly recommended by one of the family members. She got a lump in her breast as well and it went away.

Again, many people could be skeptical, but we must work for it. Berusaha. Tawakkal. Redha.Stay positive.
This experience has enlightened me in some ways. I have regained my confidence ever since truly believing that Allah is always with us. Accept Qada & Qadar and always know that pantang menyerah sebelum ajal.

I also made some self discovery which is suffice to sum as we as Muslims, must believe, and adhere to Islam's Rukun Islam dan Rukun Iman. Insyaallah, peace will come eventually. Allah is always with us.

I ahve also change my diet altogether. No more Nescafes, no sugar, limited rice, and so on. The best part is is feel better. Of course, the withdrawal effects are there but slowly it will go away.

I am quite lucky. I have support from every angle of my life. Friends, colleagues, Family, superiors, healers etc.

Insyaallah, i will be fine. So does my niece who is undergoing treatament for fibroid (suspected) in JB.
Like accoridng to Ira, "Darah Pendekar. Berpantang maut sebelum ajal".

So, back to work. My email dah habis download dah tuh.till then.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Bring it on!!

Around 6pm, it rained. For the 1st time in my life, i actually enjoyed the company of these children,Adam's friends and also the rain.. . I even let Oya had her afternoon snack of Roti Canai at the play area.
(Actually, sebelah surau je..ada hall)

But i do realise that it also make me feel sad. Maybe i've been holding up the feeling. Maybe i haven't cried enough. So far, i only cry whenever i read well-wishers' text or messages.
I appreciate those. really.

Unexpectedly, when i had my bout of internal raining season at home, Oya came to me, hold me and pat me at the back. I was ...crying even more.

I know i am strong. I just know. But i believe i also need sometime to just wallow and cry and let it all go before i start my treatment.

Before that, there are things i need to get done like spring-cleaning the house. Chemotherapy can make you weak. I really hope i won't be weaken so much. I need to take care of Oya. (t_t)

Rupanya, i still don't know at what stage i am. I need to do few things first. I maybe at stage 2 or 3.

The unknowing is killing me. that makes me think..that my time here is reaching the end. Aja;l maut di tangan tuhan. Aku takkan berserah tanpa berusaha. Mungkin bukan untuk aku, tapi untuk Oya, Adam, kawan2 , suami .

Well, let's just cuti this weekend. I aim to wallow. cry. be sad, this weekend.

Whatever result i may get after this, i will be strong enough to face em.

Bring it on!!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Journey to Healing

December 20th, 2012.

For some, this date looks strategic. for some reason. I, find it very normal.

Considering the news that i received this afternoon, i should call this date, well, there is no word enough to describe it.

At first, i was speechless. As usual, when we are in the state of trying to digest something or some news, some would be speechless. some, would cry straight away.

My tears only started to rain when a friend tried to console me in the car.

I know i need to be strong. Fight to survive. The survivors also told the same story. To stay positive. Be strong.

For some, this is a taboo subject.

But for me, it's easy for me to share. People say sharing is caring. I was thinking if the people around me knew what is happening to me, they may offer an advice or share tips and how-to in the journey to healing.

They may also lend support which i will greatly need sometime soon.

I am deeply touched by the words or gestures of support by friends and family so far. It's has only been one day. Heck, not even a full 24h.

Truth is, i am still trying to digest the news. I am still finding the core strength.
I am not afraid for me but every time i think of Oya and my family, i would cry. I am scared for Oya.

What if i go first? i know. Allah is great. but i can't help but feel sorry for her. I should be spending for her treatment , not mine. But i know, if i am gonna be OK, she is gonna be OK.

Hence, if you see me these few days or weeks, i may still finding all the positiveness and strength in me.
Forgive me if i cry in front of you. Forgive me for all my wrongdoings all together.

Please remind me to be strong. Be positive. Another phase of my life has started.
A new journey for me will begin tomorrow, Dec 21st. Let's hope i manage to get appt with Oncologist at PPUM.

The first news is broken. My Biopsy came out. I have Intrusive Ductal Carcinoma. Grade 2.

I have a tumour as big as 9cm. Yes, i have Cancer in my Right breast.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Lumpy December

It all started early 2012. I had detected a lump on my right breast in 2011 and upon seeing a Groupon promo for Pathlab Breast Check, me and fri3nds decided to go for one.

so, in Feb 2012, i did the ultrasound and resulted in Fibroedonoma which is just  lump of tissue with 1cm diameter. why hadn't i get it removed?
yes i should have consulted a Gynae or breast specialist alike.
I do have friends with cysts and fibro and with mixed stories and reactions, i came into conclusion that i can wait.

Fast forward few months after, i guess my first diagnosis could be wrong sibce it's already a huge lump now. for the past few months my PMS worsen and i could feel the pain.
Peeking into my referral letter from the clinic i could see it'S already become a 9cm lump. Yes physically i could see and feel thw difference. the signs.

Luckily, i am surrounded by good people in my life. The whole Valve management team including my HOD and Mr GM actually pushed me to see a GP they know well.

hence today i am in Sunway Medical Centre just completed my mammogram and waiting for ultrasound. Boley doctor tuh gelak bila aku tanya biopsy tuh sakit tak.jarum dicucuk2 kot...haiyaaa...

so friends before you come for such tests or any medical tests;please remember this:
1. Harras your GP for referral letter.without which comp insurance may not pay you back if you are on Pay and claim basis.

2. Make copies of your lwtter for you, HR ans neighbour.hhhe

3. Call your insurance for any info you might need like balance of your entitlement.

4. Make appt with your prwferred spwcialist.

5. Bring any medical record or test result.

6. identify if thwre is any family history including from which side. maternal or paternal. sebab kklau maternal gen dia kuat sikit. x silap ingatan aku la

If you're in for breast exam, you may need to do mammogram which is contrary to popular belief, not painful. uncomfortable yes.
pastuh sah2 kena tukar baju kan. terkial2 gak aku tadi siak. hehehe
kat SMC neh ada locker letak barang free dlm area Radiology.
so sementara menunggu harusla mengupdate kan.

lamanya ultrasound.lapar neh. nak biopsy lagi.

papepun wish me luck. no matter what is the result, hadapi nya dengan tenang and stay positive.if not for me, for Adam and Oya.

pix : later.dai

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

I am...scared.

The last time i was this scared was during a teambuilding in Perak. I am afraid of height and cringes every time i look down from a building. Even from a first floor.Ironically, i live on the 4th floor of my apartment building. kan?

Yes, i have the same feeling all over again although i am nowhere near any edges or climbing anything.

It's the unknown that can make us restless. Wondering. What if...

For the 1st time in my life, i am scared and afraid for someone else. Not for least, most of it.

Let Dec 19th opens the path to the unknown.

If you happen to see me today, please don't ask why or what. I may cry. As i have only indulged to some people, i do not wish to disclose the full extent of the whole story yet.

Just letting you know, i am afraid.

Insyaallah, everything is gonna be just fine.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Kampung ku ada Earthquake u ollss!

Okay. U might say "aaaaa?" or "whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?"
Not a feature topic in our local newspaper but try googling "Gempa bumi di keningau". U might see this:

Actually, sikit je pun 1.9 and 3 magnitud je. tapi enough untuk mengejutkan orang sebab yela,jarang2 ada kan. what? memang jarang2 tapi pernah. not the first time.ce google.

Anyway, tak payah la nak fikir lebey2, pengajaran la, dosa la, pesta seks la.
dah memang Keningau tuh dekat Banjaran Crocker and terletak dalam kawasan sesaran tanah. again, please google.

Ha tuh dia location gegaran tuh...

so, no worries yeah..insyaallah. everything's gonna be okay..

eh..gambar bawah neh? saja nak menyelit2 je..depan rumah aku punya view daaa...

neh la town Keningau dari atas bukit..

dalam FB aku banyak lagi. carik sendirik!

Sunday, December 2, 2012

LIGA BOLASEPAK MALAYSIA: Piala AFF Suzuki 2012 - Keputusan Perlawanan

LIGA BOLASEPAK MALAYSIA: Piala AFF Suzuki 2012 - Keputusan Perlawanan:
Untuk keputusan penuh SUZUKI CUP 2012 sila klik seterusnya

I am not really a sucker for football or soccer, some people might call it but football is really a big business in Malaysia especially bila Ultras Malaya, Harimau Malaya and Harimau Muda come into the picture.

Some colleagues were actually one of the Ultras-Ultramen bley? and they did play their part seriously. Like trying to teach us the anthems, songs, whatnot. I do singalong to"Selamanya..selamanya..selamanya Harimau Malaya"..hey, it's catchy okay...

Furthermore, whenever Malaysia is playing in the big competition like the current AFF, i think everyone will be rooting for our very on cats..Harimau Malaya that is. No pun intended, but puseeket pun comel apa.

hahah...i may not remember all the players' names but of course, there are some names running through my mind no. Christian Ronaldo, Owen, Messi..oh salah ek? oooo ok...The Aidils twins, Safee, Wan Zack, etc etc. kalau hensem mcm Irfan Bachdim tuh aku ingat la ...heheh..

so, papepun, good luck to Harimau Malaya. I can forget calling them puseekets sebab dah sampai separuh akhir kan...Dec 9th tuh, agak2 aku nak tgk kat mana ye..karang terjerit2 gol gol gol kang , orang Bandung marah tak? hahaha...nasibla Dec 13th tuh dah balek Mesia..

Stadium Memorial Rizal, Manila


Nasional, Bukit Jalil


Stadium Jalan Besar, Singapura


Supachalasai, Bangkok


source: LIGA BOLASEPAK MALAYSIA: Piala AFF Suzuki 2012 - Keputusan Perlawanan:

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Kedah Series-I come from "The Kedah"

As i hail from Sabah, there's no way for me to say i come from "the Kedah" right?
This seemingly popular phrase in TW-Valve originates from a fellow colleague who was in the midst of introductory session to the floor when he startled and said "i come from the Kedah".

so, okay. nope. This post ain't about him. Not entirely at least.

Nov 10th, the day i took my MUET, we actually had another plan.
A colleague was getting married that day faaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr away in Kedah.hahaha..yes. We drove there instead of flying. Far isn't it?

Our driver was the Kedah guy Anas and there were  me, Oya, Adam, Helmie & Ridzuan.
Pretty much of a crowd for a Myvi kan?

The journey which flagged off at TW at about 3pm (konvoi satu keta je kot...) was uneventful until we reached R&R Tapah. There was an accident which caused a heavy traffic.From here, the traffic was either slow-moving or reduced to a standstill at some point. It was expected though since schoold holiday just started.

Wazers are familiar with below image. I highly recommended you peeps to download and use Waze. Not only there is a Navigation tool, we can check the traffic flow and conditions including hazards and determine the alternative routes to get to our destination.


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