Thursday, December 20, 2012

Journey to Healing

December 20th, 2012.

For some, this date looks strategic. for some reason. I, find it very normal.

Considering the news that i received this afternoon, i should call this date, well, there is no word enough to describe it.

At first, i was speechless. As usual, when we are in the state of trying to digest something or some news, some would be speechless. some, would cry straight away.

My tears only started to rain when a friend tried to console me in the car.

I know i need to be strong. Fight to survive. The survivors also told the same story. To stay positive. Be strong.

For some, this is a taboo subject.

But for me, it's easy for me to share. People say sharing is caring. I was thinking if the people around me knew what is happening to me, they may offer an advice or share tips and how-to in the journey to healing.

They may also lend support which i will greatly need sometime soon.

I am deeply touched by the words or gestures of support by friends and family so far. It's has only been one day. Heck, not even a full 24h.

Truth is, i am still trying to digest the news. I am still finding the core strength.
I am not afraid for me but every time i think of Oya and my family, i would cry. I am scared for Oya.

What if i go first? i know. Allah is great. but i can't help but feel sorry for her. I should be spending for her treatment , not mine. But i know, if i am gonna be OK, she is gonna be OK.

Hence, if you see me these few days or weeks, i may still finding all the positiveness and strength in me.
Forgive me if i cry in front of you. Forgive me for all my wrongdoings all together.

Please remind me to be strong. Be positive. Another phase of my life has started.
A new journey for me will begin tomorrow, Dec 21st. Let's hope i manage to get appt with Oncologist at PPUM.

The first news is broken. My Biopsy came out. I have Intrusive Ductal Carcinoma. Grade 2.

I have a tumour as big as 9cm. Yes, i have Cancer in my Right breast.

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