Around 6pm, it rained. For the 1st time in my life, i actually enjoyed the company of these children,Adam's friends and also the rain.. . I even let Oya had her afternoon snack of Roti Canai at the play area.
(Actually, sebelah surau je..ada hall)
But i do realise that it also make me feel sad. Maybe i've been holding up the feeling. Maybe i haven't cried enough. So far, i only cry whenever i read well-wishers' text or messages.
I appreciate those. really.
Unexpectedly, when i had my bout of internal raining season at home, Oya came to me, hold me and pat me at the back. I was ...crying even more.
I know i am strong. I just know. But i believe i also need sometime to just wallow and cry and let it all go before i start my treatment.
Before that, there are things i need to get done like spring-cleaning the house. Chemotherapy can make you weak. I really hope i won't be weaken so much. I need to take care of Oya. (t_t)
Rupanya, i still don't know at what stage i am. I need to do few things first. I maybe at stage 2 or 3.
The unknowing is killing me. that makes me think..that my time here is reaching the end. Aja;l maut di tangan tuhan. Aku takkan berserah tanpa berusaha. Mungkin bukan untuk aku, tapi untuk Oya, Adam, kawan2 , suami .
Well, let's just cuti this weekend. I aim to wallow. cry. be sad, this weekend.
Whatever result i may get after this, i will be strong enough to face em.
Bring it on!!