2 evenings spent with friends and we came up with the above subject. Why?
Personally, i have few single friends who remain single either by choice or unforgiving circumstances. I, personally, sometimes think that they may have set the standard too high for their own good. On the other hand, maybe by keeping the standard, they're safe from predators amongst us who seek"damsels in distress", "rich single white female", "independent woman" and not forgetting" single-mothers".
Being a single-mother for few years have toughen her up. She handles everything, financially, emotionally, raising the kids, generating income for the family. Then, why on earth, she would wan to get married again? Sex? This is where most of us are found guilty without trial. It's companionship. What surprises me the most, her future-husband was chosen by her based on his "Yon-Tau Foo guy" quality. He's not rich, a working class just like the rest of us, a simple guy, quite straightforward towards life and fashion, so to say. She, sometime, needs to guide him on his style and he accepted by slowly embracing the changes and hence, pleasing everyone. But, according to the story, he kept wooing her even after 2 rejections and finally, she accepted knowing she will have minor headache by putting aside he ego and expectation but at least, she knows, she is loved unconditionally.
This is why "Yong-Tau-Foo guy" (the term we came up with) wins hands down against Loveless Rich Guy. Lowering down our expectation doesn't mean we gives up everything just to be with someone. But it's more to give & take basis. Accepts his flaws i.e. being not so smart, ordinary, under dress, financially challenged, ordinary looks, and maybe, we'll find the love we're looking for. The rest, can be improve in time.
I have yet to find a friend married to a Rich guy in a loveless marriage. I have a few who's stuck in a ordinary but loveless marriage. But who are we to judge them? If all has failed, why not just jump into the boat of married to Rich but loveless guy kinda thing? At least, we can shop endlessly. This is only applicable for those with strong heart or maybe even for those who are born without feelings. Mistress may also be in the picture so deal with it. Usually then not, Rich but Loveless guy is tied with Smart Guy.
Some of us look for a Smart Guy - who knows how to dress, how to impress, how to treat a woman right. That is the problem. More often than not, they treat all women right. Maybe they're rich, maybe not. It could be a combination of Yong Tau Foo + Smart or Rich Loveless + Smart. Maybe Smart alone. This is a guy we have to compete with. Be on his radar all the time. Once you're not, you're out batter!
so, it's your choice really. Yong Tau foo? Rich Loveless? Smart? a combination? If finding a guy is hard, maybe it's time to look into ourselves. Our standard. The signals we radiates. For all we know, we might be giving the wrong signals. Somebody has asked me, "why have i attracted younger guys so far?" for which i shall answer now " look into the signals you're giving." Maybe we need to change our social circles? Mingling with the right crowd may help. Maybe our own family may help. Recently, a family member marries a woman whom was picked by the groom's mother. If everything is left to the groom, he won't get married at all because he is a supreme Yong Tau Foo guy with limited contact with girls. We're happy for him and judging by the situation, the bride seems to be a nice lady who could be his companion for life.
This is only my personal view. The matter of the heart is something that only you can decide. I always believe that embracing changes will lead to something greater. But, make sure the decision comes form you. no one else. Live up to your own expectation. not someone else.
I once read an article which has changed my view towards life:
Our parents - no substitute. Shower them with love whike they're still around.
1.Kids - love and guide them and when the time comes, let them go.
2. Friends - keep them close. Friendship withers with time if we fail to cherish it. Call up!
3. Siblings esp sisters - will accompany us throughout life. They are the ones who accepts us for what we are, what we've done. Be nice to them. Keep them close.
4. Husband - may leave us someday. We won't know. but let's face it, for those who have been married before and still are, companionship counts. Don't ever think that none needs a husband. Some will look like, or even say, they don't need a husband. But try heart-to-heart talk, and you'll find out the truth.
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