Aku stress

"Alhamdulillah."

That's all i can say when everyone concerned asked about my health nowadays.
"Syukur" what else could i say?
i am a cancer patient and i may have many asbabs (reasons) for me to leave this world.
Until the time has come..that is.

A month ago i went for bone scan and the result was clear. i was terrified at first after have read some with metastasis to the bone (spreading to other areas).

I just hope it would stay that way so i can take care of my kids.
The only thing that's bothering me is my stress level. no, not work-related but more to domestic stress.
hahahhaha...hoi!!! kami tak gaduh laki bini hokayyy...hehhehe

i have only 2 children but the amount of stress is like i have 4.
When the other is a budding rebellious teenager, well, the other one is a constant attention seeker.
Both needs my attention only in different perspective.

seriously, sometimes i feel like giving up.truly.i tried to compensate by paying games, movies, extra soul-searching activity.
maybe, this weekend getaway and the 1-week holiday in end may will shed some light.

Coretan petang Khamis

salam
ada beberapa orang kawan yang saya sudah kongsi pengalaman diri sendiri.
pengalaman saya tidaklah sehebat mana, tapi saya suka untuk berkongsi.
sapa yang kenal saya, well, u ols mesti tau yang i ols memang suka bercerita kan

saya tak payahlah bercerita siapa saya sebelum kanser. membuka pekung didada kot..haha..

saya start pakai tudung 2 bulan sebelum saya diagnosed with breast cancer.
alhamdulillah. saya mulai sedar banyak perkara.
20 Dec 2012, saya diagnosed with BC, followed with chemo and mastectomy.

well, semua itu saya harungi dengan tabah dan redha berkat doa keluarga, kawan2 dan ihsan Allah SWT.
lama-kelamaan, saya mula berubah sikap. A friend of mine testified to this during our recent teambuilding trip. How and what?

well, berserah segalanya kepada Allah SWT.
Jika sempat, buatlah yang sunat lagi2 yang muakkad. Solat sunat dhuha, Tahajjud, etc.
berdoalah banyak2. serius.

Don't sweat the small things and yet don't ignore them all-together.

Prioritise yang perlu seperti family, time for yourself, time with friends.
Take some time off. Leave at 5.30 from the office and go have coffee.i do this now.
I bought things that i like now, like Tupperware which i thought were outrageous before.
but hey, i no longer feel anything even if i walked into MNG or Zara with full-wallet.
Even when someone actually willing to pay for it. so nak jaga hati punya pasal, i grab a selendang which cost about rm20.

moralnya, material possession is simply very worldly and distracts us what really important.
balance it out and your life will be balanced.
i thought i'm gonna go crazy if i don't do shopping every month.
it turned out, i am a window shopper now except for occasional socks, etc.

apa aku nak cakap sebenarnya, bila sebut rezeki, mata masing2 dah $$$. no my friend.
me myself only noticed this when i slow down a lil.

it's our health. time with family. work. then only the money.
i no longer feel the pressure at work now. in fact, work assignments are completed timely.well, except those that i intended to postpone anyway.

and someone told me i am no longer "fierce" like before.
well, i didn't really notice it but i do know i mellow down a lil bit.
why? avoid unnecessary stress.
if you can't change it, well, why bother stressing over it?

i used to listen to music channels 1st thing in the morning.
now, i will make sure my UNIC CD is played and nyanyilah lagu nasyid ke, Ya Hanana ke, lagu doa harian ke,pastuh baru switch to music channels.itupun kalau aku ingat nak tukar.
why? if we sing along to Penghulu Istighfar every morning, bukan ke lebih baik mulakan hari dengan itu dari menyanyi lagu yang, well, tiada pengisian? and kita sedang berzikir and beristighfar bila ikut CD UNIC? ini contoh tau. suka hati kaulah nak dengar lagu apa pun.

eh banyak dah aku tulis neh.

bottomline, kalau kita nak berubah ke arah lebih baik, buat sikit2 pun takpe.
dan cubalah.
trust in Allah SWT and qada & qadarnya. insyaallah, everything will place into places.mungkin tanpa kita sedari.relax, jangan nak kelam kabut sangat tapi plan ahead.

insyaallah, hati akan tenang. macam saya. hehehe..

Surirumah Professional - Part Time

OMG! OMG! OMG!

No No No...neh takde kaitan dengan kanser ahkak atau apa2 yang berkaitan dengan adegan potong memotong macam dalam video yang ahkak tgk hari tuh.
errr..yang mana satu?
adaaaa...dalam FB...nanti ahkak carik ek...seriius ganas weyy..sebelum tuh..minum air luuu

Original Post: FB Yusri Salleh

Tempat Molek, tanoh suboooorrrr

Minggu cuti krismas neh ahkak habiskan kat Terengganu.
Best tak kampung laki ahkak?
korang sibuk2 nak jalan pantai timur, ahkak balik kampung je kau...
"tempat molek, tanah suborrr..nanananana teganu kiteeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

Kuala Terengganu Waterfront

Baru ku tahu

Ya Allah.
Hari ini makin sakit dada belah kanan neh.
Mungkin kesan radioterapi. Hopefully it's the effect of it.
Not the effect of metastasis whatsoever.

Sebelum ini, aku hanya membaca mengenai kesakitan yang dialami oleh pesakit2 kanser including seorang senior di SMSS yang sudah pun menjadi arwah. Al Fatihah buat Dalilah Tamrin.

Unwelcomed Anniversary

Dec 20th 2012. I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer which was later confirmed at stage 3 due to the size of the tumour. Which was also later confirmed still contained at my right breast area.

Alhamdulillah. Grateful. yes i am.it could have been worst.

So, it's almost the anniversary of being a cancer patient.

Of course, i have worries. questions. but don't get me wrong, i have fully accepted my fate.

fully accepted the fact that my life will never be the same.

The truth is, this year hasn't changed me that much except maybe, well, i have  surrendered my right breast along with some lymph nodes to the good doctors.

and i am much more forgetful.

and I feel nice, like sugar and spice

i feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel nice neneneneneney!!

haaaamboi kau jah. happy nampak?

mana ahkak tak happy. hmmm...the right term is actually "feel good, feel nice".

Lack of outdoor activity for so long makes me feel lethargic.
I needed to do something. Anything.

Then, it came from Syed. Idea of feeding the homeless is great. Of course, tak pernah buat kan.
adalah sceptical sikit. but still do-able. can, can. why not try something new kan?

Next, out the emails and commitments from friends on the sponsors and donations.
Next thing we knew, we already had everything in no time.
Alhamdulillah. Won't you feel good if you're surrounded by good-hearted people?
The sponsors not only, well, sponsor, but they also helped during the packing of stuffs and on the actual itself. They have my respect.

Sempat lagi posing kauuuuuuuuuu....lepas pekena teh tarik seme naik high ke hapa?

huish...bahaya...

Into the coldness :Cameron Highland

First thing first.

Survival tip in CH: Bring your sweater/thick cardigan/windbreaker.

Ko nak pakai baju sejuk yang berketul2 tuh pun takpe.

It was purely an ad-hoc trip.

Planned and booked on saturday Nov 30th itself.

sp, ke Cameron la kami.

Last trip as in 2002 or 2003 kot.

Aku pun dokla mencari hotel. Takde research sangat la pun.

ambik je mana yg ada least negative remarks kat tripadvisor.

nak pegi stroberi park bilik mcm RM400 je..mcm mahal je...

bottomline, aku taknak yang dekat town.

dan dengar2 Brinchang is the most sejuk part of CH.

so, off we go.

Finale of Radiotherapy

Nov 27th. #15.

Just like that. My radiotherapy session has ended today.
15 times in-a-row except for weekends.

15 times of to-and-fro driving from Glenmarie to UMMC/PPUM/UH via NPE.
15 times of seeing the almost familiar faces everyday.
15 times of chit-chatting with a bunch of friendly radiographers.
15 times of changing into hospital robes.
15 times of feeling nothingness when strangers look unto your body and draw lines with markers.

i am just glad it's all over.
Parking space in PPUM is precious especially during the school holiday.

Options?
1. Get someone to drive you there and wait for you. The procedure minus the waiting time is only 10mins.
    Get yourself to the Oncology-Radio section by 11.30am and the most is having 3 people ahead of you.
    If you go at 8am, you will have at least 20pax ahead of you
2. Park at Crystal crown hotel and take a cab there.
3. Park by the roadside,
4. Naik taxi all the way. habis citer.

Now, i get to enjoy my "sunburnt" skin and it's starting to get itchy here and there.
Panas but bearable.

neh la gambar machine yang aku dok mengadap tuh. Baring je kat atas katil pastuh mesin bulat tuh akan pegi mana yang disetkan.
excuse me, mmg tak nampak hapa ok. ko cuma tau mesin tuh jalan sebab ada bunyi.
kat PPUM cuma ada 1 mesin je. so, kalau rosak, mmg dorang akan call untuk postpone treatment.
last week, ada sehari mesin rosak. so dorang ganti hari sabtu pagi.

jadi kaedahnya, lepas neh ada appoitnment for review saja.

insyallah, everything is gonna be fine saja.

hopefully dah tak payah lah pegi mengadap semua2 neh lagi,

A Taste of Indo-China III

haaaa....yeayyyy...boleh balik dah katanyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...........

Okay. Pagi2 sempat lagi pegi kedai Rohani Collection kau. mana taknya, sebelah hotel je.

sebenarnya sebab kedai neh je yang kami jumpa jual kain cotton 4m bidang 45.

ok. enough with shopping2.

on the way balik, dalam cab vitasun yang bersih tuh, i tried to absorb the pemandangan la kan.

1 thing that i've been noticing since i set foot in HCM.

Generally, the city is clean. No obvious sampah sarap.

pembersih jugak depa neh ye,.

huh...

ko tengok one of the parks yang ada di sekitar HCM.

tempat orang melepak2 hujung minggu. dating kot..

tapi dari jauh memang nampak bersih.

so, is it mentaliti? apa yang depa ajar kat sekolah? interesting.

Lah..aku dok harping Vitasun..rupanya nama cab depa Vinasun..hahahahahahha

ada je cab lain tapi cab neh recommended lagi,.

Haji Karim ada cerita history cab2 kat HCM neh tapi malas nak repeat :P

So, sila lah naik taxi bermeter neh dengan konfiden ye.

Aku ada nampak outlet Adidas somewhere along the way.

Tapi laki den cakap mahal drpd Malaysia regenye.

so tak rugi la kot tak pegi pun.

Kedai neh plak, biasa je.

tapi bila tengok menu dekat2, siap tulis kau "Ice Kachang".

Jangan lupa, kat sini kan ada Melayu Champa.

either that or again they ol memang familiar dengan bahasa melayu.

Neh airport HCM.

Sekali pandang macam airport KK pun ada..

Airport nye takde surau. ke aku yang x jumpa?

so overall, i enjoyed my 3D2N trip to Ho Chi Minh.

aku nak pegi lagi tapi dengan syarat either:

1. Beli barang untuk dijual OR

2. Jalan2 jauh2 sikit like Mekong. Tunnel tuh aku x minat sgt. x muat...hahahha

Jangan lupa bawak botol air - untuk ke bilik air. 

most toilet takde paip air ..

Antara hasil rampasan yang ada kat HCM:-

Cantik kan greeting card tuh?

Ko nampak? duduk sederet dalam flight ..beg sammaaaaaaa je..hahahah

Antara kedai2 yang kami pegi:-

Sila baca description kat beg plastik depa..dan jangan gelak tau..

so, sapa lagi nak pegi?

jangan lupa ajak aku :P..

(tapi kalau ko tak bawak makanan macam Tini & Put aku taknak ikut..hehehehe)

Sekian. Entry last untuk trip ke HCM.

NOTE: Geng2 mak2 dara SMSS94 - nak ke mana pasneh?

Bandung jom.heheheheh