Risks of reccurrence

What i went through last month, was cause by a reccurrence on my chest wall. Yes, the tumour was cancerous.

At first, the team wanted to remove my 1st rib and replace with titanium rib.
I could see they were unsure themselves.
Hence, Dr Aisyah, the head of Breast Surgery was called for opinions.

Aaaaaannnddd yes, she was not keen.to remove my.rib.

Ok then. Let's try PET SCAN before deciding to.remove any rib whatsoever.

This particular scan is.not.available.in PPUM or any hospital except at IKN, hospital putrajaya. But since it's covered under company's hospitalization benefit, let's just go to private lah.

I can't recall.the name of the private facility in Bangsar, Jalan Maarof but it sounded like Maharani.

PET SCAN costs about rm2k bu with referral from hospital, it will.cost about RM1K. They will.provide a thorough report and.films for us to...try to understand. Hehehehhe...

Alhamdulillah, the tumour didn't.penetrate into.any bones nor my lungs. Phewwww...what a close call.

So, we.proceed with removal of the lump which i will share in another post.

Hence, please note that reccurrences are common but of.course,.it.is dreadful. It means, there are something not right.or not enough in our lifestyle, diet, preventive actions as well.as our medication.

For.me, tamoxifen didn't work because i am still havingy period every 2 months amd.i had a reccurrence!

Seriously, i need to help myself.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha

Haaaa..kau..besaukan lembu jantan hitam neh?

alhamdulillah, berpeluang untuk melakukan ibadah kurban tahun ini.last minute dapat chance walaupun jauh sikit la..kat Bukit Bayas.

lembu neh bekeng bohhh...abih orang keliling kena kejor..

aku dah lari jauh2 awal2 lagi...penakut kannn..

hari neh memang pantang takde la. tak tahan tgk daging goreng kunyit yang aku masak sendiri.

kena pulak aku buat nasi minyak dan ayam masak sambal. masin lak tuh ayam aku..nasib baik hado kentang kat rumah haaaa..

cantik tak carriage neh? carriage berkuda yang aweks neh bawak kat Pantai Batu Buruk was charged at RM3 for kids and RM5 for adult.

2 orang yang besar gedabak tuh pun kira kids jugak.

oya? seperti biasa..alhamdulillah..rezeki oya ada di mana2..FOC.

Semoga bertambah murah rezeki aweks tuh.

lepas tuh, ingat nak recce HP. Pegila Mydin. Rata2 yang ada Samsung, Lenovo, Oppo.

dah fon lain takde jual ke? oh adaa...Asus. Ingat nak rembat Asus Zenfon6. RM999, Ori set sekali dengan casing and scree protector.

tapi entahlah...duk teringat kat Lenovo putih. maybe sebab murah kot..hhehhehe..

nanti2lah. tengok mcmana. 

rasa macam tak berbaloi nak beli mahal2 tapi tuhlah..takut plak kalau cepat hangkang.

anyway, selamat hari raya u ols. berhati2 di jalanraya.

maaf zahir dan batin

ps sesuatu mengganggu difikiran. adakah? cerita rakan sekasut baru2 neh amat mengganggu emosi. banyak persamaannya. aku hanya mampu berdoa.

so tunggu je la result 8th oct neh.

Siti who?

siti Nurhaliza?
Siti Norhanaliza?
sitikus?
Si Zatul?

nooo...CT Scan.

Now what is CT Scan?

Que Sera Sera

Whatever will be, will be.

Nauzubillah. Confirmed. Positive. The lump removed from my chest wall is cancerous.

Part of me have accepted it for quite a while. I had this instinct about a month ago.well, you know what they say..some people is intuitive. Do i have 6th sense now? do i see dead people?
 oh nooo....huahuahua..

Part of me wanted to cry just to let it all go. NEVER had i questioned why, never did i cry in regret.never.

Alhamdulillah, by afternoon, i have to come to term that ...it simply is.

oh..the above verse is recommended by some friends, senior actually. they say it's one of the quranic verses that's being used to battle cancer. insyaallah, i will add this to my collection of verses to read, hopefully, everyday.

My Plan A didn't work.What is Plan A?

Oh wait..before i start, let's go through my first encounter with cancer cells.

Jan 2012 - Lump detected in Right breast. (BP Lab)
Dec 2012 - Lump confirmed Cancerous. Clinically stage 3. size 12cm (Sunway Med Centre)
Feb 2013 ~ May 2013 - Chemotherapy. Responded well. Tumour reduced to 6cm. (UH @ PPUM)
June 2013 - Mastectomy (UH @ PPUM)
July 2013 - Radiotheraphy (UH @ PPUM).

So, my Plan A was not strict.
I am taking..oppsss...i took Tamoxifen daily supposedly for 5 years but my Onco ordered to stop today.
Plus Habbatussauda in capsule form.

That's it. I didn't even changed my diet or menu or exercise. I still took processed food, instant noodles and what-nots, 3in1 coffee, beef, chicken, non-organic stuffs.
My weight went up till 72kg.

I had it coming, hadn't i?
well, after this confession, you might think that i was silly not to really take care of myself.
what can i say? i love those!

This 2nd encounter had me detected the lump myself 1 week before the minor op. I had it removed on Sept 11th 2014. Yes, we have to check on our own especially in between review and check-ups. The 2cm lump was confirmed cancerous today by my oncologist.

Hence, my frequent trips to UMSC and UH shall start again. All the checking, scans, tests, costs, travelling, oh...i just hope everything will be smooth and not stressful.

i am gonna have my CT TAP on Sept 30th at UMSC as ordered by my oncologist since they need it fast. real fast. Just to ensure the current stage and determine next treatment. I may also need to be made menopause so i can take a certain hormone treatment.
we'll just have to see what are the treatments availabble even though i am not comfortable at the idea of going through another chemo cycles.

now, my Plan B?
1. Take in more supplements
2. Aggressive alternative treatments.
3. Forget processed+instant food (crying T_T)
4. Forget beef and chicken. (sad T_T)
5. more prayers (this is MANDATORY)
6. Manage my stress level (sadly, most of it are home-based and closely related to children management T_T) Am i a bad mother now?

oh yes, i do have Plan C which i will not reveal now. Let's pray that i do not have to go to Plan C.

i just feel that i need to do something. movies. karaoke. camping. outdoor. all in one.

but 1st thing 1st, let me have the taste of my all time fave Maggi instant noodle. for the last time. heheheheheh...

ps i am fine
ps2 if you think you need to give me something, pray for me and recite Al-Fatihah.
ps3 you still want to give? olive oil, stevia, organic no-sugar food.

I would be...

Lying, if i said i am not worried.

Sad, if tomorrow is not gonna a day i will be happy.
Positive, about it anyway.


Inquisitive, on what works and what don't for me.
Searching, for the right formula to keep cancer at bay.
Praying hard, to be someone Allah is proud of.



Asking shamelessly from Him, for a longer healthy life in the name of Oya.


It does hit me some time though, that this is karma.
for not really taking care of myself.
for not really "following" the do's and dont's.

For that, i will not feel guilty even a bit. I have no one to answer to except Allah and my family.
I guess they would understand why i am not freaked out about my diet.
Yeah..you got it right. Live stress-free if possible.

You see, cancer is ...funny. You may get cancer if you eat this, do that, be stressed, and yet, when we try to avoid all these so-called cancer inducing factors, we may be stressed in the end because we are trying hard to avoid the factors. sooo....to be or not to be, we can only try our best as human.
though, it will be a no brainer if you jump into a pool of radioactive stuffs..duhh..

in the end, let's just wait for tomorrow. but subconsciously, i know I AM looking for chmeo alternatives just in case.yeah, why don't this time i'll try something else.

Tomorrow will be the judgement day. Hopefully PPUM has the answer for me already.
be it for the better or worst, i WILL accept it with all of my heart.
Except this time, the game will be played differently. Yes cancer cells, watch out. If you even dare to reveal yourself tomorrow, it will be "the" judgement day for you.

Why is this so important?

wow..opportunity to blog is even rarer nowadays.
i have missed some important events to rant about, but here's a glimpse of happenings lately.

1. Transwater's Hari Raya event. why this is important?

well, ko nampak tak? slefie dengan ED kot..ko hado? 

and den and geng men"yumbang"kan lagu raya sikit2 la..

2. Visiting Wany & Son. Why this is important?

We last saw Wany..about 24 years ago when we were 13.

sadly, this reunion also meant we were visiting her sick son at HTAR Klang.

#prayforwanyandherson

3. Valve Division's Raya Potluck. why this is important?

of course la mak organiser kaaann...and the fact that there were lotsa food around .

4. MYCP Miri Open House @ Miri. Why is this important?

Of course, MYCP is also important and the event itself meant some unfortunate yet lucky kids are getting fancy wheelchair for free. Well done team!

5. Cherating ad-hoc holiday. of course it's important!

apart from the walk-in adventure, it was superb and maybe repeated in very near future.

6. The day when the distance meter was at "0" and yet the engine was still running.

the day i learnt that all cars actually has "reserved fuel".

phewww..we reached gas station just in time.

Well, i just had a minor operation to remove a 2x1cm lump on my chest wall. I don't want to say anything until the test result is out. and i don't really have the mood for any chemo in near future.

this news has not ruin the holiday mood.

but due to some changes, we have to cancel all major plans we had.

life goes on though. 

ps the op was quite uncomfortable and wee bit of pain. despite the 6 jab of LA, i can still feel the surgeon's finger trying to get the lump out...arghhhhh..

ciao bella

Baru ku tahu

Ya Allah.
Hari ini makin sakit dada belah kanan neh.
Mungkin kesan radioterapi. Hopefully it's the effect of it.
Not the effect of metastasis whatsoever.

Sebelum ini, aku hanya membaca mengenai kesakitan yang dialami oleh pesakit2 kanser including seorang senior di SMSS yang sudah pun menjadi arwah. Al Fatihah buat Dalilah Tamrin.

Finale of Radiotherapy

Nov 27th. #15.

Just like that. My radiotherapy session has ended today.
15 times in-a-row except for weekends.

15 times of to-and-fro driving from Glenmarie to UMMC/PPUM/UH via NPE.
15 times of seeing the almost familiar faces everyday.
15 times of chit-chatting with a bunch of friendly radiographers.
15 times of changing into hospital robes.
15 times of feeling nothingness when strangers look unto your body and draw lines with markers.

i am just glad it's all over.
Parking space in PPUM is precious especially during the school holiday.

Options?
1. Get someone to drive you there and wait for you. The procedure minus the waiting time is only 10mins.
    Get yourself to the Oncology-Radio section by 11.30am and the most is having 3 people ahead of you.
    If you go at 8am, you will have at least 20pax ahead of you
2. Park at Crystal crown hotel and take a cab there.
3. Park by the roadside,
4. Naik taxi all the way. habis citer.

Now, i get to enjoy my "sunburnt" skin and it's starting to get itchy here and there.
Panas but bearable.

neh la gambar machine yang aku dok mengadap tuh. Baring je kat atas katil pastuh mesin bulat tuh akan pegi mana yang disetkan.
excuse me, mmg tak nampak hapa ok. ko cuma tau mesin tuh jalan sebab ada bunyi.
kat PPUM cuma ada 1 mesin je. so, kalau rosak, mmg dorang akan call untuk postpone treatment.
last week, ada sehari mesin rosak. so dorang ganti hari sabtu pagi.

jadi kaedahnya, lepas neh ada appoitnment for review saja.

insyallah, everything is gonna be fine saja.

hopefully dah tak payah lah pegi mengadap semua2 neh lagi,

Post from beyond

beyond the south china sea, i  mean. not..the grave!

In points, here's the review of my week:-
1. so, last week, i've decided to just go back to Sabah for some break.
2. Me and Oya took Malindo Air. superb. Got screen attached to the back of the headrest.
3. I've not decided the exact date to fly back to PM though.
4. Oh...i went to Tamu twice including today, and my new discoveries are:-

Local fish-babies (hehe) from local river supposedly.
1 look i was "ewwwwww-ing" already but to m shock, my mom bought it.
okay. i'm sure gotta be careful about dinner tonight.

Green collagen.
or rumpai laut.
or seaweed.
Supposedly the best around AAAA.
me selling to friends at RM10 per 100gram.
Limited stock.

Linopot gu'ol or nasi ditumbuk sampai lembik campur dengan ubi manis.
sayuran local aka tuhau, cendawan comel+daun bawang+ikan bilis+misc.
superb meal!!

5. Bazaar Ramadhan Kg Tudan Baru. Gonna look for something else today.
6. i spent most of my time watching TV, laying around, FB-ing, candy crush-ing. i think by the time i go back to work, i'll be at level 100++.

okaaaayyyyyyy.....as per no 6, i have nothing much to do. so nothing much to update as well.
so, later!!

perluke? Pantang? Abstinence...alaaaaaaa

As if mcm aku tak kena pantang makan even without this operation kan?

so, kalau ikut budaya melayu, memang banyak pantang larang nye cik kak...lagi2 kalau pantang bersalin.hambek ko...so, macam aku, orang Dusun + bajau neh, applicable jugak la kan..lagi2 mak aku ...perghhhh....2 minggu jangan mimpi nak mandi la beb...lepas 2 minggu pun mandi air herba okay...

tp time besalin aku memang jaga sikit.
sebab yang first one aku sikit lagi masuk hangin kau...so yg no 2, akak careful la kan..
yang no 3, tak payah pantang. sebab kucing aku yang beranak..bukak ah-kak...okayyyyy..

so, hari neh, aku carik2 la kat web apa yang kita patut pantang makan..kalau applicable untuk beranak, kira applicable jugak la untuk yang berpantang sebab potong bedah sana-sini kan..

eh..kenapa tiba2 ahkak berminat pasal pantang?
sebab ahkak teringin nak makan ikan sardin dalam tin tuh haaa...
tapi pesakit cancer tak digalakkan makan mende2 dah proses neh..alaaa..mecik!

so, tengokla kat bawah neh ha...banyak kan? folo, jangan tak folo!

MAKANAN                                     BOLEH                                  TIDAK BOLEH

AYAM & DAGING

Burung puyuh Burung merpati ayam hitam ayam didik ayam selasih ayam kampung daging batang pinang

Ayam biasa (takut gatal)

IKAN Penting: Ikan berbisa jika dimakan oleh ibu-ibu dalam pantang boleh menyebabkan turun darah dan bentan Ikan haruan menyembuhkan luka. Ikan yu membanyakkan susu ibu	Ikan haruan Ikan yu Ikan selar Ikan gelama Ikan jenahak Ikan merah Ikan tenggiri Ikan kurau Ikan bawal putih Ikan senangin Ikan bilis	Ikan kering Ikan masin Ikan keli Ikan bawal hitam Ikan terubuk Ikan duri Ikan pari Ikan sembilang Ikan parang ikan kembung Ikan tamban Ikan cencaru Ikan tongkol makanan laut udang sotong kerang
ULAM ULAMAN Ulam-ulaman ini mengandungi fiber, zat galian (mineral) dan pelbagai vitamin, termasuklah A, C dan E, bersifat anti oksidan. Jantung pisang membanyakkan susu ibu Ulam kunyit mengembalikan kecergasan badan dan menyembuhkan luka dalaman	halia Serai Lengkuas pucuk pegaga pucuk mengkudu pucuk ulam raja lempuyang jantung pisang rebus daun atau ubi cekur bunga kantan kunyit hidup daun lemuni hitam daun kaduk daun sekentut daun kesum daun cemumar daun pudina daun kari daun bebuas daun ruku
SAYUR-SAYURAN / Penting: Mengambil sayur-sayuran  menjalar, sejuk serta beranginboleh menyebabkan ibu-ibu kembung dan sakit-sakit badan. Lobak putih dan peria membanyakkan susu ibu Peria memudahkan buang air besar, membantu membersih dan melancarkan peredaran darah dalam tubuh.	Ubi kentang Peria Sawi Lobak merah Lobak putih	Ubi kayu Kangkung Petola Terung Cili Timun Tomato Brokoli Kubis Seledri Terung Timun sayur keladi pucuk ubi pucuk paku bayam sayur atau daun keti (bunga putih) kacang panjang kacang botol labu rebung jeruk maman petai jering
BUAH-BUAHAN Penting: Makanan tersebut dilarang kerana dapat mengakibatkan sakit tulang dan sejuk otot serta lemah sendi. Penyakit-penyakit tersebut diketahui telah banyak berleluasa di barat dan dikenali sebagai artritis dan rheumatisme.	Buah anggur Kurma Oren Epal merah Strawberi Peach Prune Kismis Longan cina	Nenas Limau buah lai tembikai susu tembikai merah tembikai cina epal hijau kiwi buah pear pisang jambu belimbing durian belanda mangga betik ciku langsat nangka cempedak pisang masak hijau pisang nangka pisang embun pisang udang ubi kayu ubi keladi sengkuang manggis macang kuinin binjai
LAIN-LAIN MAKANAN Asam jawa membantu membuang air besar selain dari menyegarkan tubuh badan	Biskut Roti Nestum Quaker Oat Cornflakes Masakan panggang Masakan rebus Masakan kukus Masakan bakar Masakan salai Asam jawa Asam keping	Tempe Burger Nugget Sosej Bihun Mee Kuey teow Laksa Telur Semua jenis ubi Semua jenis makanan laut Masakan berminyak boleh tetapi sedikit/jarang-jarang
AIR Penting: Ibu-ibu tidak boleh minum minuman sejuk, tajam dan jus daripada buah-buahan yang dilarang Air kunyit mengecutkan rahim dan mencuci darah. Air rebusan pegaga ini membersihkan darah dalam tubuh ibu yang baru melahirkan anak. Manjakani berfungsi untuk mengering dan mengetatkan pangkal rahim. Air jus halia kurma boleh membuang angin dalam badan dan menambah tenaga. Air madu memanaskan badan.	air suam air pati kunyit jus pegaga air halia air kopi air manjakani  jus halia kurma air madu	air ais air sejuk air bergas air tebu air cincau air kelapa muda air jus buah-buahan yang dilarang

SOURCE: http://damyakaudihatiku.blogspot.com/2012/06/jadual-makanan-yang-boleh-dimakan-tidak.html

A date with Dr Ng

A date?
Several dates, to be exact.
well, those were actually appointment with my surgeon, Dr Ng Char Hong. some said he is among the best in his field. one of the best Breast surgeon? general surgeon? as fas as i am concerned he is my cute surgeon. (lalalalalalalala).

My last chemo was in early June and a week after, it was decided, mastectomy it is.
I kinda just go with the flow. I didn't look further than what alternative treatments i have in hand, but i trust the decision taken was in the best interest of my family especially Oya.

Yes, i kinda feel i don't have much time if i don't act fast.

So on June 25th 2013, i had the operation done.

Oh yes, i was anxious. Who wouldn't. It's kinda a major op for me (apart from c-sect) and also the thought of losing my right breast is...was....surprisingly didn't really bother me at all.

Oh yes, i was more afraid of the pain after the drug was gone than losing my breast.
I was kinda hoping that i'd have similar sensation as my 1st and 2nd c-section. I didn't feel much pain during those 2. Only those "pedih2, perit2" at the end of the stitches.

So, i  was warded for 2 nights at UMSC. ....UMSC you'd say? yes, it's the private wing of UMMC @ PPUM @ UH. Many are not aware but the main building is located between MAHSA College and entrance to UM. But the ward is located at Menara Timur UH, Level 10.

on the 2nd day, my blood pressure dipped till 75/44 from 90ish/50ish. so i guess naturally i do have a low BP but at this reading? hence, the doc ordered 2 bags of blood 0+ for me..yummeh (ewww)..

I was discharged with 2 tubes attached to me for drainage. hence today, i had a follow-up to remove tube for Bottle B and dang it was painful !!!! i know it was only for 10 seconds but it was like having a knife cutting through your finger.

Bottle A is another story. When it was attached to me, the nurse forgot to remove the lock function and there was no fluid in the bottle. so i went to UMSC today with high hopes of getting both removed.
unfortunately, the good doctor unlocked the bottle and a gush of 30ml blood+liquid poured in.
so, in 24hrs, if the level is less than 30ml on top of today's measurement, i could have it removed by monday.

But i guess i won't be able to buy my ticket back to Sabah (for a well-deserved rest) yet since at 6.41pm today, the measurement is already at 100ml (additional 40ml). oh no..:-(

in case you're wondering:-

Frequently, a drainage tube is inserted during surgery in their chest and attached to a small suction device to remove subcutaneous fluid. These are usually removed several days after surgery as drainage decrease to less than 20-30 ml per day

source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mastectomy

 sub·cu·ta·ne·ous  (sbky-tn-s)

adj.

Located or placed just beneath the skin: subcutaneous tissue; a subcutaneous implant.

---

subcu·tane·ous·ly adv.

source: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/subcutaneous

but i guess all is just gonna be ok. hopefully the liquid+blood will dry up soon.

WARNING!!!! Kalau cepat rasa geli or gross, sila la tengok ye...hahahah....

Cycle# 5 & 6 - Chemo & Post Chemo

Oh..it's been so long..told ya i'm not a blogger tegar....
well, Alhamdulillah. The last chemo (i'm crossing my finger) is over.
The result from the 5th one..well, was not so encouraging. The tumour size remains unchanged at 5cm.
But hey, it must really love my breast kan...wakakakak...
This last round..i feel the effect for about 1 week. Even as i was typing this, i still feel the heavy-chested feeling and my metal-mouthed has just started to reduce. phewwww.....

but, i've decided to do a right breast mastectomy. say what? yes my dear. I'm gonna remove the whole right breast and the chirpy surgeon announced happily that he ill also remove the lymph nodes. All this while he was looking at my breast wondering what size is my bra,. hahah...ok ok. he just had to do it. maybe he thought i was gonna do recon.

Recon is reconstruction of the breast. It's cosmetic procedure and you need doctor to actually lie for your insurance to pay for it.
so, i guess i'm not gonna do it. I'll just buy the bra that can give the same effect.

The surgery is gonna be on June 27th and reading on post-op care, well, do scare me a little.
Can i move my right hand? yes but not heavy lifting. means no dukung2 Oya for a month or so.
and oh,while the drainage tube is gonna be attached to me, i can't drive for min 2 weeks from what i read.
Thank god a friend has offered chauffeuring me to and fro office when i need to.
Thank god my boss has also offfered work-from-home thingy,.

Let's just see what happen then. Insyaallah, everything is gonna be just fine. Allah kan ada :-)

For those who wonder how much chemotheraphy costs, well here it is.
Hospital: PPUM/UMMC
Non-gov staff so has to pay on my own.

Pre-chemo (a day before chemo) - 3 weeks from the last chemo:
Take blood for test (immunity). Chemo will need to be postponed if my Blood count was not sufficient. (Luckily, mine was ok. all 6)
Review appointment with Oncologists to check on my condition.
Measure the tumour.
Get MC and prescription.
Go get anti-vomitting medicine.
Cost:
Oncologist & Blood test: RM67.00
Medicine: RM5 (From kaunter ubat biasa) and RM27 for 1pc of Kytril (from PharmUMMC-Farmasi).
Total: RM99.

Chemo day (if blood test ok. No news means good news):
Chemo which lasted about 2 hours.
Cost: about RM30

Total per chemo: RM129.00 excluding other expenses and extra medicine from pharmacy (if any).

But company got insurance kan? so claim la.
It's covered under Daycare and fee deducted from Hospitalisation fund (not the Clinic care fund).

haaaaa.....costly kan. betul la. preventive is better than cure.

My OP pun kalau buat kat PPUM is gonna cost around RM3000.00.
But i have decided to do it in UMSC(Private wing of PPUM). It gonna cost around RM12000.00.

kalau bayar sendiri...pergh....meroyan.

tapi takpela. betulkan nawaitu.
Kerana Allah SWT. Insyaallah, everything is gonna be just fine :-).

Cycle# 3 & 4 - Chemo & Post Chemo

Chemo is a terrible experience one can go through.

No matter how positive you are, there's the undesirable effects that can bring us to the lowest point of our life.

Nope. I have no problem with being bald or having darkened nails.

It's the not-feeling-so-good feeling, bodyache, metal-mouthed, angin dalam perut, morning-sickness that had me complaining.

This time around i had less metal-mouthed feeling but morning-sickness feeling was seriously terrible.
Now i know why people escapes from chemo treatment. I constantly have angin in my tummy and i need to snack very2 frequently to combat the nausea thingy as well as the angin.

My left arm is also achy since the drug went in thru this arm. so, it's completely normal for the said arm to ache even to the point that the veins actually gets darkened and surfaces. What i do? i just tuam tuala panas to reduce the pain looooo....

Tapi hidup kena teruskan. after a week usually i'll feel better and pening2 pun dah kurang.

Again, thanks for all the support dearies. I have two more to go.

and oh yes, initially the size of the tumour was 12x12cm. after the 3rd chemo, it has reduced to 7x6cm. alhamdulillah. what more can i ask for?

Cycle# 2 - Chemo & Post Chemo

I had my 2nd chemo on March 7th.
It was a lil bit unpleasant compared to the first one but i managed. how? i slept almost during the whole process.

This time, my metal-mouthed feeling got worst and it lasted for a week. But i had this craving for sandwiches, cabonara-alike pasta (which i still haven't satisfy yet) and sambal ikan bilis.

My First Chemo *Cycle#1 - Day 0

There it was. My first chemo on Feb 15th in PPUM @ UH Petaling Jaya.

The day started (it's going to be routine anyway) with taking in Kytril pill @ 1 tablet which must be taken orally at least 1 hour before the IV is being set-up. It's supposed to help prevent the vomiting effect.

Chemotherapy Daycare room in PPUM consists of kerusi empuk yang boleh recline tuh.
so, quite comfy la.
I was ready with materials and all. Tak sempat baca pun. Berborak dengan neighbour lagi ado..

Semoga semuanya baik2 saja

Insyaallah. Someone told me today, maybe i didn't believe in traditional treatment.
I said no, even if i were to 200% believe that traditional treatment work wonders and can heal me, it is only as "wasilah" or "asbab".

Everything is up to Allah SWT.

It's not because i didn't believe in traditional treatment. aku serahkan segala2nya pada Allah.
Aku berusaha dapatkan herba itu, ubat ini, tapi kalau chemotheraphy pun took 6 months, traditional pun sama jugak.
oh well, recent herbal treatment yang aku buat pun (per my previous post : HERE) tak menampakkan apa2 kesan pada mata kasar.

papehal pun, entry neh untuk menceritakan bagaimana journey aku bermula:

About a week before

Happy Chinese New Year my dear friends.
and happy holidays to the rest.
4 straight days. wow-weee...we gonna have a tough time coming back to work..think wednesday morning..

but for me? it's gonna be a week leave. My chemo will start on Feb 13th @ wednesday.
usually MCs will be given for 2-3 days.habih MC den nanti.

Ada yang bertanya. how the trip back to Sabah? how was the traditional treatments?

well,i can't expect miracles unless with Allah's permission.
During my leave back in my hometown, i did visit several ustaz and traditional practitioner/healer.
All actually require long-term treatments which will take months.
so, finding one in Sabah is out of the question since i will be going back to KL soon anyway.

So, following a friend's invitation, i gave another a try. Another traditional healer using herbs.
After a bottle of plain-tasting herbal drink, i feel there is no effect. Actually, i also have no idea where to measure and what to look for even though i am now in stage 2 which involves another herb.
This one is claimed to wonders and he has few testimonies. I wont say there's no effect, but again, i will may only feel the effect if my tumour has reduced to half.

Afterall, all the above including are only asbab or wasilah as only Allah can heal.

but no worries, i am still thinking positive. Negative result won't hinder me as faith is keeping me up as always.

now, i am looking forward to my chemo sessions. this should be fun. I am gonna test my strength - bodily and spiritually. Insyaallah,Everything's gonna be ok.

Please , Let It Be

The decision i made last night may stir quite a discussion especially among my loved and close people in my life.
But all i ask is another week.

This is a hard decision for me to make but i believe i ought to give myself a try at this. Myself deserves this.
Especially when a friend specifically arranged for last night meeting with a healer.
All they ask is another week.

I am also stopping all the supplements i am taking now. For about a week.

Don't judge me. I don't bother. Insyaallah, everything's gonna be just fine.

Of course i am scared. ask yourself, would you not be scared of chemotherapy?
Would you not find other alternatives first?

would you, go for chemotherapy, by the way?

The day before the departure

Letter A in this keyboard is missing. typo error memang manyak..heheh

A friend's advise made me proud "setiap ujian/kesakitan bermakna kita disayngiNya, jika kita mampu mentfsir apa hikmahnya, itu adalah hadiah".

Ya Allah. kini aku mampu tersenyum :-) Allah SWT masih sayangkan aku. masih memberi ruang untuk aku bertaubat, menambh amal ibadh yang mampu membuat aku malu untuk mengadapNya.

Hati..kenapakah?

January 9th 2013. Wednesday. Day 1.

The feeling is always different.

Between going back to the other "kampung" and my own where i grew up.

I love both. Who doesn't anyway as it means cuti,holiday,some time away from daily routine.

the journey to both destination tells a different story each and everytime.

this time, my destination is Keningau, Sabah.