Risks of reccurrence

What i went through last month, was cause by a reccurrence on my chest wall. Yes, the tumour was cancerous.

At first, the team wanted to remove my 1st rib and replace with titanium rib.
I could see they were unsure themselves.
Hence, Dr Aisyah, the head of Breast Surgery was called for opinions.

Aaaaaannnddd yes, she was not keen.to remove my.rib.

Ok then. Let's try PET SCAN before deciding to.remove any rib whatsoever.

This particular scan is.not.available.in PPUM or any hospital except at IKN, hospital putrajaya. But since it's covered under company's hospitalization benefit, let's just go to private lah.

I can't recall.the name of the private facility in Bangsar, Jalan Maarof but it sounded like Maharani.

PET SCAN costs about rm2k bu with referral from hospital, it will.cost about RM1K. They will.provide a thorough report and.films for us to...try to understand. Hehehehhe...

Alhamdulillah, the tumour didn't.penetrate into.any bones nor my lungs. Phewwww...what a close call.

So, we.proceed with removal of the lump which i will share in another post.

Hence, please note that reccurrences are common but of.course,.it.is dreadful. It means, there are something not right.or not enough in our lifestyle, diet, preventive actions as well.as our medication.

For.me, tamoxifen didn't work because i am still havingy period every 2 months amd.i had a reccurrence!

Seriously, i need to help myself.

Recurrence

When talking to cancer survivor or cancer patient, do not assume that you understand what we went through. Do you go through chemo 6 times?

It was, or it is...a traumatic experience which some of us are still going through. Do you have any lufe endangering growth in you?,

It was so devastating that some of us may panic. Have you ever being told that you will be given a.medication that will also destror your healthy cells?

It's not encouraging at all to say, hey, at least you are at stage 1. Or hey at least your cancer is not as bad as my uncle's.

No matter how much treatments or prevention actions are taken, having cancer, any cancer at all, or surviving it means only one thing.

Survival.

My name is zatul and i have #breastcancer.

Siap da regrowth lagi. Twice u olsss...so yang ke tiga neh, i nak try alternative treatments la. Unless if they manage to talk me out of it. I dont know. Tunggu.la.selasa depan.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha

Haaaa..kau..besaukan lembu jantan hitam neh?

alhamdulillah, berpeluang untuk melakukan ibadah kurban tahun ini.last minute dapat chance walaupun jauh sikit la..kat Bukit Bayas.

lembu neh bekeng bohhh...abih orang keliling kena kejor..

aku dah lari jauh2 awal2 lagi...penakut kannn..

hari neh memang pantang takde la. tak tahan tgk daging goreng kunyit yang aku masak sendiri.

kena pulak aku buat nasi minyak dan ayam masak sambal. masin lak tuh ayam aku..nasib baik hado kentang kat rumah haaaa..

cantik tak carriage neh? carriage berkuda yang aweks neh bawak kat Pantai Batu Buruk was charged at RM3 for kids and RM5 for adult.

2 orang yang besar gedabak tuh pun kira kids jugak.

oya? seperti biasa..alhamdulillah..rezeki oya ada di mana2..FOC.

Semoga bertambah murah rezeki aweks tuh.

lepas tuh, ingat nak recce HP. Pegila Mydin. Rata2 yang ada Samsung, Lenovo, Oppo.

dah fon lain takde jual ke? oh adaa...Asus. Ingat nak rembat Asus Zenfon6. RM999, Ori set sekali dengan casing and scree protector.

tapi entahlah...duk teringat kat Lenovo putih. maybe sebab murah kot..hhehhehe..

nanti2lah. tengok mcmana. 

rasa macam tak berbaloi nak beli mahal2 tapi tuhlah..takut plak kalau cepat hangkang.

anyway, selamat hari raya u ols. berhati2 di jalanraya.

maaf zahir dan batin

ps sesuatu mengganggu difikiran. adakah? cerita rakan sekasut baru2 neh amat mengganggu emosi. banyak persamaannya. aku hanya mampu berdoa.

so tunggu je la result 8th oct neh.

Siti who?

siti Nurhaliza?
Siti Norhanaliza?
sitikus?
Si Zatul?

nooo...CT Scan.

Now what is CT Scan?

Que Sera Sera

Whatever will be, will be.

Nauzubillah. Confirmed. Positive. The lump removed from my chest wall is cancerous.

Part of me have accepted it for quite a while. I had this instinct about a month ago.well, you know what they say..some people is intuitive. Do i have 6th sense now? do i see dead people?
 oh nooo....huahuahua..

Part of me wanted to cry just to let it all go. NEVER had i questioned why, never did i cry in regret.never.

Alhamdulillah, by afternoon, i have to come to term that ...it simply is.

oh..the above verse is recommended by some friends, senior actually. they say it's one of the quranic verses that's being used to battle cancer. insyaallah, i will add this to my collection of verses to read, hopefully, everyday.

My Plan A didn't work.What is Plan A?

Oh wait..before i start, let's go through my first encounter with cancer cells.

Jan 2012 - Lump detected in Right breast. (BP Lab)
Dec 2012 - Lump confirmed Cancerous. Clinically stage 3. size 12cm (Sunway Med Centre)
Feb 2013 ~ May 2013 - Chemotherapy. Responded well. Tumour reduced to 6cm. (UH @ PPUM)
June 2013 - Mastectomy (UH @ PPUM)
July 2013 - Radiotheraphy (UH @ PPUM).

So, my Plan A was not strict.
I am taking..oppsss...i took Tamoxifen daily supposedly for 5 years but my Onco ordered to stop today.
Plus Habbatussauda in capsule form.

That's it. I didn't even changed my diet or menu or exercise. I still took processed food, instant noodles and what-nots, 3in1 coffee, beef, chicken, non-organic stuffs.
My weight went up till 72kg.

I had it coming, hadn't i?
well, after this confession, you might think that i was silly not to really take care of myself.
what can i say? i love those!

This 2nd encounter had me detected the lump myself 1 week before the minor op. I had it removed on Sept 11th 2014. Yes, we have to check on our own especially in between review and check-ups. The 2cm lump was confirmed cancerous today by my oncologist.

Hence, my frequent trips to UMSC and UH shall start again. All the checking, scans, tests, costs, travelling, oh...i just hope everything will be smooth and not stressful.

i am gonna have my CT TAP on Sept 30th at UMSC as ordered by my oncologist since they need it fast. real fast. Just to ensure the current stage and determine next treatment. I may also need to be made menopause so i can take a certain hormone treatment.
we'll just have to see what are the treatments availabble even though i am not comfortable at the idea of going through another chemo cycles.

now, my Plan B?
1. Take in more supplements
2. Aggressive alternative treatments.
3. Forget processed+instant food (crying T_T)
4. Forget beef and chicken. (sad T_T)
5. more prayers (this is MANDATORY)
6. Manage my stress level (sadly, most of it are home-based and closely related to children management T_T) Am i a bad mother now?

oh yes, i do have Plan C which i will not reveal now. Let's pray that i do not have to go to Plan C.

i just feel that i need to do something. movies. karaoke. camping. outdoor. all in one.

but 1st thing 1st, let me have the taste of my all time fave Maggi instant noodle. for the last time. heheheheheh...

ps i am fine
ps2 if you think you need to give me something, pray for me and recite Al-Fatihah.
ps3 you still want to give? olive oil, stevia, organic no-sugar food.

I would be...

Lying, if i said i am not worried.

Sad, if tomorrow is not gonna a day i will be happy.
Positive, about it anyway.


Inquisitive, on what works and what don't for me.
Searching, for the right formula to keep cancer at bay.
Praying hard, to be someone Allah is proud of.



Asking shamelessly from Him, for a longer healthy life in the name of Oya.


It does hit me some time though, that this is karma.
for not really taking care of myself.
for not really "following" the do's and dont's.

For that, i will not feel guilty even a bit. I have no one to answer to except Allah and my family.
I guess they would understand why i am not freaked out about my diet.
Yeah..you got it right. Live stress-free if possible.

You see, cancer is ...funny. You may get cancer if you eat this, do that, be stressed, and yet, when we try to avoid all these so-called cancer inducing factors, we may be stressed in the end because we are trying hard to avoid the factors. sooo....to be or not to be, we can only try our best as human.
though, it will be a no brainer if you jump into a pool of radioactive stuffs..duhh..

in the end, let's just wait for tomorrow. but subconsciously, i know I AM looking for chmeo alternatives just in case.yeah, why don't this time i'll try something else.

Tomorrow will be the judgement day. Hopefully PPUM has the answer for me already.
be it for the better or worst, i WILL accept it with all of my heart.
Except this time, the game will be played differently. Yes cancer cells, watch out. If you even dare to reveal yourself tomorrow, it will be "the" judgement day for you.

Baru ku tahu

Ya Allah.
Hari ini makin sakit dada belah kanan neh.
Mungkin kesan radioterapi. Hopefully it's the effect of it.
Not the effect of metastasis whatsoever.

Sebelum ini, aku hanya membaca mengenai kesakitan yang dialami oleh pesakit2 kanser including seorang senior di SMSS yang sudah pun menjadi arwah. Al Fatihah buat Dalilah Tamrin.