Que Sera Sera

Whatever will be, will be.

Nauzubillah. Confirmed. Positive. The lump removed from my chest wall is cancerous.

Part of me have accepted it for quite a while. I had this instinct about a month ago.well, you know what they say..some people is intuitive. Do i have 6th sense now? do i see dead people?
 oh nooo....huahuahua..

Part of me wanted to cry just to let it all go. NEVER had i questioned why, never did i cry in regret.never.

Alhamdulillah, by afternoon, i have to come to term that ...it simply is.

oh..the above verse is recommended by some friends, senior actually. they say it's one of the quranic verses that's being used to battle cancer. insyaallah, i will add this to my collection of verses to read, hopefully, everyday.

My Plan A didn't work.What is Plan A?

Oh wait..before i start, let's go through my first encounter with cancer cells.

Jan 2012 - Lump detected in Right breast. (BP Lab)
Dec 2012 - Lump confirmed Cancerous. Clinically stage 3. size 12cm (Sunway Med Centre)
Feb 2013 ~ May 2013 - Chemotherapy. Responded well. Tumour reduced to 6cm. (UH @ PPUM)
June 2013 - Mastectomy (UH @ PPUM)
July 2013 - Radiotheraphy (UH @ PPUM).

So, my Plan A was not strict.
I am taking..oppsss...i took Tamoxifen daily supposedly for 5 years but my Onco ordered to stop today.
Plus Habbatussauda in capsule form.

That's it. I didn't even changed my diet or menu or exercise. I still took processed food, instant noodles and what-nots, 3in1 coffee, beef, chicken, non-organic stuffs.
My weight went up till 72kg.

I had it coming, hadn't i?
well, after this confession, you might think that i was silly not to really take care of myself.
what can i say? i love those!

This 2nd encounter had me detected the lump myself 1 week before the minor op. I had it removed on Sept 11th 2014. Yes, we have to check on our own especially in between review and check-ups. The 2cm lump was confirmed cancerous today by my oncologist.

Hence, my frequent trips to UMSC and UH shall start again. All the checking, scans, tests, costs, travelling, oh...i just hope everything will be smooth and not stressful.

i am gonna have my CT TAP on Sept 30th at UMSC as ordered by my oncologist since they need it fast. real fast. Just to ensure the current stage and determine next treatment. I may also need to be made menopause so i can take a certain hormone treatment.
we'll just have to see what are the treatments availabble even though i am not comfortable at the idea of going through another chemo cycles.

now, my Plan B?
1. Take in more supplements
2. Aggressive alternative treatments.
3. Forget processed+instant food (crying T_T)
4. Forget beef and chicken. (sad T_T)
5. more prayers (this is MANDATORY)
6. Manage my stress level (sadly, most of it are home-based and closely related to children management T_T) Am i a bad mother now?

oh yes, i do have Plan C which i will not reveal now. Let's pray that i do not have to go to Plan C.

i just feel that i need to do something. movies. karaoke. camping. outdoor. all in one.

but 1st thing 1st, let me have the taste of my all time fave Maggi instant noodle. for the last time. heheheheheh...

ps i am fine
ps2 if you think you need to give me something, pray for me and recite Al-Fatihah.
ps3 you still want to give? olive oil, stevia, organic no-sugar food.