Que Sera Sera

Whatever will be, will be.

Nauzubillah. Confirmed. Positive. The lump removed from my chest wall is cancerous.

Part of me have accepted it for quite a while. I had this instinct about a month ago.well, you know what they say..some people is intuitive. Do i have 6th sense now? do i see dead people?
 oh nooo....huahuahua..

Part of me wanted to cry just to let it all go. NEVER had i questioned why, never did i cry in regret.never.

Alhamdulillah, by afternoon, i have to come to term that ...it simply is.

oh..the above verse is recommended by some friends, senior actually. they say it's one of the quranic verses that's being used to battle cancer. insyaallah, i will add this to my collection of verses to read, hopefully, everyday.

My Plan A didn't work.What is Plan A?

Oh wait..before i start, let's go through my first encounter with cancer cells.

Jan 2012 - Lump detected in Right breast. (BP Lab)
Dec 2012 - Lump confirmed Cancerous. Clinically stage 3. size 12cm (Sunway Med Centre)
Feb 2013 ~ May 2013 - Chemotherapy. Responded well. Tumour reduced to 6cm. (UH @ PPUM)
June 2013 - Mastectomy (UH @ PPUM)
July 2013 - Radiotheraphy (UH @ PPUM).

So, my Plan A was not strict.
I am taking..oppsss...i took Tamoxifen daily supposedly for 5 years but my Onco ordered to stop today.
Plus Habbatussauda in capsule form.

That's it. I didn't even changed my diet or menu or exercise. I still took processed food, instant noodles and what-nots, 3in1 coffee, beef, chicken, non-organic stuffs.
My weight went up till 72kg.

I had it coming, hadn't i?
well, after this confession, you might think that i was silly not to really take care of myself.
what can i say? i love those!

This 2nd encounter had me detected the lump myself 1 week before the minor op. I had it removed on Sept 11th 2014. Yes, we have to check on our own especially in between review and check-ups. The 2cm lump was confirmed cancerous today by my oncologist.

Hence, my frequent trips to UMSC and UH shall start again. All the checking, scans, tests, costs, travelling, oh...i just hope everything will be smooth and not stressful.

i am gonna have my CT TAP on Sept 30th at UMSC as ordered by my oncologist since they need it fast. real fast. Just to ensure the current stage and determine next treatment. I may also need to be made menopause so i can take a certain hormone treatment.
we'll just have to see what are the treatments availabble even though i am not comfortable at the idea of going through another chemo cycles.

now, my Plan B?
1. Take in more supplements
2. Aggressive alternative treatments.
3. Forget processed+instant food (crying T_T)
4. Forget beef and chicken. (sad T_T)
5. more prayers (this is MANDATORY)
6. Manage my stress level (sadly, most of it are home-based and closely related to children management T_T) Am i a bad mother now?

oh yes, i do have Plan C which i will not reveal now. Let's pray that i do not have to go to Plan C.

i just feel that i need to do something. movies. karaoke. camping. outdoor. all in one.

but 1st thing 1st, let me have the taste of my all time fave Maggi instant noodle. for the last time. heheheheheh...

ps i am fine
ps2 if you think you need to give me something, pray for me and recite Al-Fatihah.
ps3 you still want to give? olive oil, stevia, organic no-sugar food.

I would be...

Lying, if i said i am not worried.

Sad, if tomorrow is not gonna a day i will be happy.
Positive, about it anyway.


Inquisitive, on what works and what don't for me.
Searching, for the right formula to keep cancer at bay.
Praying hard, to be someone Allah is proud of.



Asking shamelessly from Him, for a longer healthy life in the name of Oya.


It does hit me some time though, that this is karma.
for not really taking care of myself.
for not really "following" the do's and dont's.

For that, i will not feel guilty even a bit. I have no one to answer to except Allah and my family.
I guess they would understand why i am not freaked out about my diet.
Yeah..you got it right. Live stress-free if possible.

You see, cancer is ...funny. You may get cancer if you eat this, do that, be stressed, and yet, when we try to avoid all these so-called cancer inducing factors, we may be stressed in the end because we are trying hard to avoid the factors. sooo....to be or not to be, we can only try our best as human.
though, it will be a no brainer if you jump into a pool of radioactive stuffs..duhh..

in the end, let's just wait for tomorrow. but subconsciously, i know I AM looking for chmeo alternatives just in case.yeah, why don't this time i'll try something else.

Tomorrow will be the judgement day. Hopefully PPUM has the answer for me already.
be it for the better or worst, i WILL accept it with all of my heart.
Except this time, the game will be played differently. Yes cancer cells, watch out. If you even dare to reveal yourself tomorrow, it will be "the" judgement day for you.

MYCP @ Taman Tasik Titiwangsa

It was actually World Physical Theraphy Day 2014 - Fit To Take Part event.

Should have started with brisk walk but being a so-not-a-morning-person-after-dawnprayer, obviously i only reached there at around 10.30a.m. MYCP table selling all MYCP stuffs was already set-up and of course, there was food.

Thanks Anis for the superb Lontong Darat, Nasi Ayam and oh-so-marvelous ayam masak merah.

The event was filled with physical-health related information booth and counters including 4 tests which costed us around RM5/pax. Yeah it was worth it but the food was more appealing at that point of time.

so instead of counting how many times i breath after exercise, i chose to count how many ayam masak merah i could finish...yeayyy..

Tengokla je la gambar2 kami...mesti dekat dengan food kan..jangan orang kata MYCP and Food - bagai lagu dan irama..

There was a wedding ceremony nearby and our jaw dropped when the AOC - Alphard Owbers club cars started to march in. waaaaa....so many wooo...there was also rollerblading group and you can rent the blades for RM5/30minutes. Thre was this TTSC as well - Titiwangsa skate club kot..
budak 2 orang neh pun nak jugak skate la kan. akku dengan Fid confirm dah bakar berjuta2 kalori di hari itu.

so, eventhough sebenarnya MYCP tak buat apa2 event sangat hari tuh, pegi pun sebab dapat jemputan, it was fun.

lepak2 dan bercerita2 with friends in similar shoes katanya.

so, tak sabar bak tunggu Picnic in the park on Oct 11th, same place.

see you there.

Cherating Walk-in Trip

Sept 10th 2014
Jom singgah Cherating.
(No booking)

Sept 11th
Nak singgah Cherating ke?
(No booking jugak)

Sept 12th
Macam fully booked je semua
(No booking jugak)

Sept 13th
Pegi je la.

So, kami pun singgahlah Cherating. Dah, kawasan yang mana satu pulak? ah sudohhh..lama tak gi Cherating neh.

On Waze la. Carik Bayview resort. sebab resort neh mention dia duk tepi pantai dan keliling dia banyak chalet2 dan resorts.

Jumpa jugak la akhirnya.Thanks to Bayview resort yang fully booked for the whole week, kami jumpa the main place. Jalan2 punya jalan nampak lah beberapa chalet. ada jugak yang kami call. ada yang penuh. ada yang...tak berkenan. Bukan lah nak mewah tapi takkan aku nak berhimpit2 plak. dah chalet pun besar kereta aku je. aku pakai Honda Jazz tau bukan Alphard or Hummer.

Ntah macamana jumpa la Ranting Beach Resort.

                     (Source: http://www.published2u.com/2012/06/ranting-beach-resort-cherating.html)

Signboard kata penuh tapi bila tanya katanya ada lagi 1 bilik @ RM140. Walaupun boleh muat la kami ber5, tapi tv dan aircond takde.
macamana neh? hambik je la. sebabnya? resort neh betul2 tepi pantai kot, senang nak berlari2 ke pantai haaa...lepas laki aku nego dapatalah RM100 tapi additional tilam+bantal+selimut kena caj RM20.

(Source: http://www.backpackingmalaysia.com/)

boleh aku tak hambik gambar resort...ishk. rugi2. so pinjamla drpd sources di atas. thanks tuan tanah kedaung!!

anyway, parking keta takde masalah kot. luas je depan reception tuh. Bilik aku tuh belah kiri bawah. katil queen satu dan boleh muat 2-3 tilam single.

activity? aku tengok banyak kedai surfing dan kalau ko google banyak je aktiviti lain. tapi aku tak ambik port sangat lah.

sebab? aku sibuk main pantai..contoh????

nehla contoh2 yang ada. nak lagi?

smulaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Why is this so important?

wow..opportunity to blog is even rarer nowadays.
i have missed some important events to rant about, but here's a glimpse of happenings lately.

1. Transwater's Hari Raya event. why this is important?

well, ko nampak tak? slefie dengan ED kot..ko hado? 

and den and geng men"yumbang"kan lagu raya sikit2 la..

2. Visiting Wany & Son. Why this is important?

We last saw Wany..about 24 years ago when we were 13.

sadly, this reunion also meant we were visiting her sick son at HTAR Klang.

#prayforwanyandherson

3. Valve Division's Raya Potluck. why this is important?

of course la mak organiser kaaann...and the fact that there were lotsa food around .

4. MYCP Miri Open House @ Miri. Why is this important?

Of course, MYCP is also important and the event itself meant some unfortunate yet lucky kids are getting fancy wheelchair for free. Well done team!

5. Cherating ad-hoc holiday. of course it's important!

apart from the walk-in adventure, it was superb and maybe repeated in very near future.

6. The day when the distance meter was at "0" and yet the engine was still running.

the day i learnt that all cars actually has "reserved fuel".

phewww..we reached gas station just in time.

Well, i just had a minor operation to remove a 2x1cm lump on my chest wall. I don't want to say anything until the test result is out. and i don't really have the mood for any chemo in near future.

this news has not ruin the holiday mood.

but due to some changes, we have to cancel all major plans we had.

life goes on though. 

ps the op was quite uncomfortable and wee bit of pain. despite the 6 jab of LA, i can still feel the surgeon's finger trying to get the lump out...arghhhhh..

ciao bella